


pools.

by trucefully



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Attempted Murder, Drugs, M/M, Multi, Psychotropic Drugs, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2019-10-21 13:45:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17643953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trucefully/pseuds/trucefully
Summary: Tyler lands in Los Angeles as a stop on a journey to better himself and escape a painful past. In a split second, he decides to have nowhere to go, and no one to rely on. In choosing to abandon fate and healing, his life begins to quickly spiral down a dark path. Money, sex, drugs, and violence become a daily routine to stay alive in the modern jungle. The people he knows can be friends one moment, and enemies the next. Nothing is certain for him, and he thrives on it. He believes himself less of a man, and more of a feral animal roaming the streets. Until he meets someone who brings out the tenderness hiding in his blackened heart.





	1. prologue.

**Tyler.**

 

My shoulders ached from slouching in the back seat of a taxi. I tried to keep most of my face hidden, but let my eyes hover just above the bottom of the window. Lights and sparkling puddles pulled slowly by my line of sight. Los Angeles at night still had streams of people flowing through her veins, keeping the heart of night life pumping. The sight made me feel like I was watching life from the outside of a fish tank. Loud colors colliding before my eyes, the beauty of worlds being created where I couldn't touch them. People and intricate structures built up seemingly from the sidewalks in grids.

Life had been decided for me. That's why I was here bumping along LA in a cab that reeked of weed. I was packed up like luggage and sent on my way from the Ohio airport, where it was only a wilting hope that I would make the plane and be willfully locked away. Such wishful thinking... But that's all it really was. They sent me away in early March. One last connecting flight was all it would take for my noisy life to be quieted. 

While it was a plan of sorts, I saw it as my family's last shove to get me away. 

"We care about you," My father had said at the curbside of the airport. The strain to get the words out made a vein bulge on his forehead. That's all I could really focus on. "We just want you to get better. You need rehab. As a grown man, you need to make this happen. It's up to you, Tyler."

Not a tear. Not a hug or a kiss. Just a solemn look shared between me and the people who created me. They sent their own flesh and blood on a metal tube hurdling thousands of miles per hour far above land. They expected me to follow the tiny plan that my tickets spelled out for me and lang myself in Portland. 

I think they knew there was a chance that I wouldn't make it there on my own. Why send your addict son unsupervised across the country if you truly intended for him to arrive safely and get help? No, they just wanted to get me as far away as possible from them so I wouldn't be theirs to deal with any longer.

Truthfully, I understood. After my latest cocaine mishap and the destruction it birthed, I wanted to be away from myself, too. 

The taxi halted in the road abruptly, and my driver swore at the steering wheel. "Fuckin' parade will take us hours to get through." He said aloud. I wasn't quite sure if it was directed at me, or at the vague situation. 

I pushed myself up with my palms to see out the front window. For about a block ahead, bright red tail lights glared back at me. Idling engines pumped a haze into the air, and sporadic horns chimed in impatiently. 

None of this was enough to mask over the spectacle moving steadily through the cross streets. Purple, green, and yellow swirls of ribbon chugged along. People danced and chanted with loud, swinging jazz music placed atop the floats. The amount of stimuli from one area made my eyes slide to and fro like a metronome, trying to take all of it in at once. 

I was presented with two options. Sit in the uncomfortable cab with the angry driver, or simply step out into the fish bowl and join the beauty. 

I arched my back and reached into my pocket for my wallet. I didn't have much, but I dropped a couple 20s onto the front seat for the man's troubles. "Sorry. Think I'm gonna call it quits here. You can sell my luggage." I said quickly, fighting with my seat belt and throwing open the door.

"What the fuck?" The driver shouted after me. but I was long gone. I abandoned my suitcases in the trunk, carrying only the clothes on my body and my wallet. Voices and music called me beckoning me forward to anything else. I could run away from myself.

All the cares were stopped still, so I weaved through and slide across the hoods to make a direct line to the parade. It was almost gone now, and it certainly hadn't taken hours. I pushed desperately through the cheerful crowds and anxious cars to make it to the intersection, just as the last float was inching by. A simple truck bed covered with balloons and mostly naked women throwing little plastic beads. People were very entertained by this. I couldn't see the appeal of just standing by. I wanted to be in the heart of it all, and feel the celebration in my very core. 

At the end of it all, my eyes were drawn to one man. He tailed along the odd stream, head to toe in black. All except for a mask that covered his face, which was a stunning glittering gold. His arms were both laden with beaded necklaces of the same color. His hips swayed with the music, and his arms twirled around like two snakes. 

Good God, he silently called to me. I followed him as if he had been saying my name. A whole stretch of vibrant worlds in front of me. I padded down the middle of the street, following the gold mask. 

He noticed me coming along pretty quickly while he did his twirls. He waited for me to catch up. 

"Welcome." His voice was deep and alluring. He draped beads over my head.

"I have no idea what this is." I admitted in a quiet voice. I didn't know how, but he drew me forward without saying a word. He didn't need to know why I was there, where I came from or what I was avoiding. We danced together in a whirlwind of gold and darkness. 

If I had stayed in the cab, where would I be? Fate laid out a life for me. I spat in her face and ran the other way. Now what?

We could have been dancing for hours, I had no idea. The gold masked man stopped me suddenly. I recognized nothing around us. Just a lot of tall buildings and blinking lights. Hell, even the parade was now out of sight.

"You look tired."

I blinked, unsure of what to say. Was I tired? I mostly felt like I was buzzing. But whoever this guy was seemed to know even better than I did. He put a hand on my shoulder, walking me backwards until I bumped into a wall. I looked over my shoulder and through the window beside me. A bar, much like any other you could stumble into on a Friday night. Regular people. Regular decorations. Regular taps. 

But I was reluctant. Officially, I had nothing and no one. This person, whoever he was, became the only familiar thing. I looked at him. 

I didn't have to say anything. Two bright blue eyes peered back at me from the casing of gold. "You'll find me. See you around." He took a step back, then walked away. Just like that.

Some part of me was already calling out for him. Another part of me was at peace. Nothing really made sense anymore. Oddly enough my breaking point was the absence of strange happenings. I was tired. I needed a drink.

I turned around and let myself inside the bar. Being an outsider made it so absolutely no one looked at me as I passed through the small room. Down a couple steps. Up to the wooden counter. I sat a stool in the very middle, flanked by two couples. 

The bartender stopped by. His brown hair was bunched up in a bun with a red flower stuck in it. "What can I get you?" He asked with that same bland smile he probably used all day with everyone else. 

My brain felt fuzzy. "Anything." I said with a shrug. He gave me an odd look, but nodded and moved away to concoct something. 

To my right, a woman peered at me from the corner of her eye. Small, pretty, and had bright blue hair that went down her back. She watched my drink be made and placed in front of me. Something blue with a cherry on top. 

While I was debating what to do next with my life now that everything that had been set up for me was out the window, she reached over and plucked the cherry from my drink. I didn't stop her. She took the red berry between her teeth and plucked it off of the step, then placed the remainder on the napkin between us. "Haven't seen you here before." She said, chewing slowly. 

"It's a big city," I replied, sipping on my drink, but turning to face her.

The girl smiled slyly. "Not as big as you think. It's cute that you think so, though. I like naivety."

"I like cherries." I picked up the stem and put it on my tongue. "You ate mine."

This made her smile crack into something more genuine. She marveled at me while I swirled the stem in my mouth, then placed it back on the napkin tied in a knot. She clapped, nodding her head in approval. 

"Bravo. That's quite a talent." She tucked her hair behind her ears, scooting to the edge of her seat. "I'm Ashley. I'm from around here. What's your name, baby?"

"Tyler. I'm... I'm not from around here."

"I can tell."

While I was entrapped in her hazel eyes and knowing smile, the bartender placed a small bowl of cherries between the two of us. One look between them, and I knew something deeper was going on. 

Ashley slid off of her stool and stood between my legs. She plucked one of the berries from the bowl and dangled it against my lips. A bit more self-consciously, I opened my mouth and bit into it. The sweet syrup pooled at the corner of my mouth. She wiped it away with her thumb. 

"I think we could make use of you." Ashley whispered, her tone as sweet as the juices that I swallowed. "What do you say, baby? Got no where else to go?"

What could I say? It was this, or clean up my messy mistakes and head off to rehab to be numbed to comply for the rest of my years. I had no other options. 

I picked up her wrist and took the cherry stem from her fingers, working on knotting it with my tongue. 

"Lead the way."


	2. 1. backseat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song is Take a Slice by Glass Animals.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9DySfgEj1hY
> 
> sorry for the delay. writer's block is real and it wants me deaded.

** Josh. **

 

My heart was beating so fast I thought it was going to leap out of my chest. And not for the reason I ever suspected, standing outside of a ghastly pink adult video store. I was fucking terrified of even being near this place. Even at around 10 o'clock at night it felt like I was running the risk of being found by someone who would know me, and spread rumors about seeing me there. I tried to be dressed as inconspicuously as possible. Baggy pants, black shirt, black hoodie. But I probably looked more like I was about to rob the fucking place.

I was wasting time, standing there and staring at it. I would have preferred to have just stayed at home with a bottle of Moscato and relaxed on one of my few days off, but the question had been nagging at me for years. I was getting worn down. 

"I'm an adult." I muttered to myself, clenching my fists at my sides. "Adults do this. I can do this. There's no reason that I can't."

Despite the small pep talk, I could feel the dread increasing. I closed my eyes for a moment and tried to take some deep breaths, the same way I always instructed my patients to. It was harder to apply the practice on myself.

Up the street, a car siren started wailing. My anxiety broke only for that, and I took off across the street. Absolutely no one was watching me, but if they had been, they'd probably be distracted by the car now. Perfect escape from the invisible judgement that I felt crushing me from all angles. 

The neon signs in the windows buzzed menacingly, advertising to the world that they sold pornographic material. I couldn't imagine being so bold. I was trying not to dry heave just being inside. The door was propped open in the late of the evening, as if inviting me to enter. Before I could talk myself out of it, I stepped inside.

Nothing. No one called out my name. No one yelled at me to stop. If anything, the man behind the counter just looked mildly surprised to see someone in there. He set down his newspaper and wouldn't stop staring at me while I pretended to know what I was doing. I gave him a curt not, then shuffled towards the back of the store where I saw the DVDs lined up.

"Need help finding anything?" The man asked. I couldn't pick up anything in his tone to worry about.

I cleared my throat, only realizing how dry my mouth was now. "No, I'm okay. Just... Browsing..." My tone was pathetically unsure. Still, he let me be.

Everywhere I looked, there was skin. Mostly women, spread across the covers with movie titles that were making my skin crawl. I kept moving, my eyes averting all the naked women as much as possible. I had been inside less that a minute and I already felt like bolting. But I had made it this far, and I couldn't give up quite yet. I still had questions.

At the very end, I finally saw the section I was looking for. A couple of cheerful rainbow flags, and a sign that read "LGBT". I was grateful to have some kind of direction, but the fear mounted even more. I had to face it now, the shirtless men with conveniently placed logos. I addressed these ones a little better, scanning the titles and pictures to try and find something less... Aggressive. I rubbed the pulse point on my right wrist absently, noting how the physical beat matched the pounding sound in my ears. 

I was so wrapped up in scouring for something mild that I didn't hear the man leave his station at the counter and join me. "You look real lost, sir." He commented, making me jump. He held up a hand to calm me, then motioned to the display. "What are you into? I'm sure we got something."

My tongue went numb, and I could barely force a response past my lips. "Uh... Men." There it was. The first time that I had said it out loud, ever. And I was telling a man who ran a fucking porn shop. "I like... Uh... Men. I-I think."

"You think," He repeated slowly. His slightly bored expression lightened, to my surprise. "How old are you?"

"27." I could feel my face burning from embarrassment. 

To my surprise, he laughed, and not in a harsh way. I found myself relaxing enough to grin a little myself, realizing how stupid I was being. "I'm so, so sorry." I shook my head. "I swear I'm... Not always this stupid. Just when it comes to this particular thing. I've never... Addressed it, I guess. No time."

"No time? You're still so young! You have all the time in the world." He looked at the display of DVDs, shaking his head at the selection. "Look, you're not going to find what you need here. We don't really have anything romantic, unfortunately. Tell you what though. Wait at the counter, I'm going to grab you a few things."

"Oh, okay." My relief must have show on my face. He patted my shoulder sympathetically before moving passed me to a back room. I shuffled up to the front counter and leaned against it, feeling a little more confident in myself to peek at some of the items displayed. Towards the front was mostly lingerie and sex toys that looked way too complex for their intended purpose. I smiled at the ridiculousness of it all. 

After about five minutes, the man came back. I wasn't afraid to look him in the eyes anymore. He was carrying a black plastic bag, which he placed in my hands. "Take these. No, don't look so upset! Seriously, it's just some magazines we've had laying in the back for months. The softcore stuff doesn't sell, usually. But that's lucky for you and me. You can ogle some pretty men who are actually dressed, and I can clear up some clutter."

Even though the circumstances were absurd, I was truly touched by his kindness. I blinked back a little moisture from my eyes, looking at the bag and then back at him. "Thank you..."

"Mark. Nice to meet you." He held out his hand. 

I shook it firmly. "I'm Josh. I just... I can't thank you enough for this. I'm sorry about being a weirdo."

He took his position behind the counter with an easy shrug. "You're on the normal side of people I see come in here. Just figure your feelings out before diving straight into pornos, trust me. Oh, but if I can make a suggestion, find  _Love, Simon_  online or something. It's real cute, much better place to start."

I nodded, making a mental note of the title. "I will. Again, thank you. I'll be back. I mean, maybe. If this like... Works out... Um..."

He grinned. "See you around, Josh. Good luck."

Before my anxious mouth could say anything stranger, I gave him a little wave and ducked out of the store. 

Los Angeles air was seriously polluted, but it felt surprisingly fresh when I stepped out into it from that store. I took a few seconds to draw it in and push it out, calming down my beating heart. The fear was ebbing, replaced by a light feeling. Over a decade I carried the secret, the fear that I wasn't attracted to women. And in a few seconds, I confided it to some random man I just met. Maybe in the scheme of things it wasn't huge, but it felt like it to me. Someone out there knew and didn't berate me for it. I was that much freer.

The brief celebration was short lived. The streets were still pretty crowded this time of night on a weekend, and two women leaning against a nice car took notice in me leaving the store. I caught sight of them just in time to see them exchange a look before saunter over to me. 

"Get anything in there to share?" The woman in lead, a tall brunette, purred as she drew closer to me. "Hardly ever see such a handsome man coming out of there."

I grimaced, which seemed to have offended her some. Her sweet smile disappeared. She snatched the bag from my unsuspecting hands, looking at the contents inside. 

"Give that back." I demanded, trying to keep my cool. "None of your fucking business."

She arched an eyebrow. "Would you look at this?" She pulled out one of the magazines. The cover certainly was mild compared to what was inside, but it still pictured a blonde man half undressed with a seductive expression. My whole face was ignited with blush, and I tried to snatch it back clumsily. She held it out of my reach, and the small blonde behind her snatched it to judge as well. "All you had to say was that you're a cocksucker. No need to be so rude."

"You're the one being rude." Was my only, rather childish retort to her. I snatched the bag back from her and let her companion keep the magazine she was leafing through. "Didn't even fuckin' look your way, and you're over here already spreading your legs."

She was glaring now, mean as anything. "You're gonna regret that, buddy." She whistled into the night are. The car that she had been leaning against now opened, and two large men stepped out. They walked calmly over to us, but I knew they intended to start something. Good lord, why couldn't I just have stayed at home and looked at internet porn like a normal modern man?

The bell on the shop door chimed, and Mark once again came to my rescue. 

"Move along, Rey. You and your friends. I told you not to park your whoremobile out here." He came up beside me, one hand resting resting on his hip the way cops did in movies to make it obvious they were ready to fire. "You're harassing my customers. I take that pretty personally."

The woman folded her arms, but seemed sort of conflicted now. I just wanted to go the hell home. I nudged Mark. "It's fine. Look, I was just leaving."

"That bitch has your magazine." Mark wasn't letting it go.

"I have more in the bag. It's fine, really." I started to turn towards the street. I actually had to walk a couple blocks to the bus, and I just wanted to get out of there as fast as possible. I couldn't just shove past this woman and her backup, and going back in the store would just make me feel like a complete loser. 

As if answering my silent prayers, a car came around the corner. A taxi light on top was what caught my eye, and I almost fell to the pavement from relief. 

Mark was in it deep with that woman, arguing about calling the cops and whose work was more degrading. I didn't care. I saw my escape.

"You better back your old ass back up into your store, Hoppus. I got a guy on the way who's gonna smear this kid's brains on the pavement."

"You know I already called a patrol car for suspicious activity, you better just make like a tree and fuck off, Lana."

"It's fine!" I said over the top of them. "Look, sorry I caused trouble. My ride is here. I'm just going to go."

Lana took a step forward. "You better not, if you know what's good for you!"

Mark glanced at the taxi that was about to pass us, nodding once. "I got this. Go ahead."

I didn't have to be told twice. I turned with the bag clutched in my hands and ran out into the road. The front of the car almost came into contact with my hip while I desperately tried to flag it down. I probably looked insane, but the driver stopped. I climbed into the back seat as fast as possible. 

The driver looked at me through his rear view mirror, his brown eyes a weird sort of calm. "I'm on my way to pick somebody up." He informed me. 

"Look, I'll pay you whatever you want to just take me up the street to the bus stop." I said hurriedly, glancing out at Mark to make sure a shoot out hadn't started. Things seemed to be calming down, with the girls leaving with nothing more than a few rude gestures while Mark walked back into the store. "I'm really sorry."

His eyes didn't leave me. I buckled my seat belt, silently insisting that this was happening. He sighed, shifting the car into drive. "Alright, whatever."

I relaxed back against the seat, closing my eyes and trying to calm down after all that commotion. 

"You have to tell me where you're going." The driver informed me. "Don't say the bus stop. You're causing too much trouble to be left out. Where do you live?"

I tried not to show my displeasure. "Hand me your phone, I'll type in my address."

"Don't have a phone." He replied simply.

I opened my eyes and looked at him quizzically. "You... Do you know what year it is?"

"Do you know where you live?" He retorted.

I sighed. "Marina Del Rey. If you can just take me to that area, please."

He arched his eyebrows in surprise. "Wow, swanky." He put the car into drive and finally started taking us both away from this awful place. 

The ride back, I let my mind start to unwind. The moon was rising high into the sky, finding a place to shine above the city lights. I watched it from my window and tried to come to terms with everything that just happened. While it was certainly a night I wouldn't have minded avoiding, it was the most excitement I had felt that wasn't under operating room lights. I did something for myself, and did things I never thought I would do. Fuck, I almost caused a shoot out in front of a porno store with two hookers. It wasn't in character for me, or anybody that I knew, really. The more I thought about it, the less embarrassment I felt, and the more I started to smile.

The driver caught me smiling up at the moon, breaking the silence that had been there for about fifteen minutes. "Got a good night planned, then?" He asked. "What with the adult shop and all. Got a missus at home waiting?"

I chuckled, shaking my head. "No, it's not like that. I was just..." I couldn't really come up with anything that would sound more normal than just buying porn to try and spice up a dying sex life. "Well, there's no missus. It's- it's hard to explain. I just had to see something."

"You see a lot of stuff in sex stores, I guess."

"No! Not like that either. You- What is your name?"

He paused  a moment. "It's Tyler."

"Okay, Tyler. Not that it's any of your business, but I was experimenting with... Something..."

"Sounds worse that way."

"It does. I just." I rubbed my hands over my face. Really, the night couldn't possibly get any weirder. "I'm just confused. About... Some stuff. I wanted to see if I could, er, sort it out by..." Tyler waited patiently for me to finish speaking. I took in a shaky breath. Really, what was one more stranger knowing about my personal life at this point? "I think I like men. I just... Haven't really had the chance to figure it out. So I'm just... Dabbling. It's not porn. Just models. I just wanna know."

"Oh," Tyler said softly. He was silent for a couple more minutes, until the ocean came into sight. He stopped the car at an empty intersection, the ocean in line perfectly out the windshield. He turned around halfway in his seat to look at me face to face. "Sorry I pried about that. Wasn't my place. Bad habit of a taxi driver."

I shrugged, looking out the window to avoid his intense stare. "It's fine. I mean, who are you going to tell?"

He smiled warmly. "No one." I returned the smile briefly, then looked out the window again, trying not to be too panicked that he wasn't driving. He cleared his throat. "Sir?"

"Josh."

"Alright, Josh. We're at Marina Del Rey. You gotta tell me where your house is from here."

I blinked. "Oh, bother. Sorry. Keep following this street, you'll make a left eventually. At the beach."

He laughed, but drove as instructed. I held the bag nervously in my lap and watched the headlights roll over the familiar street I'd lived on for a couple years now. The closer home got, the more eager I was to go home and pour over the magazines. I wasn't sure what I was expecting from it. I wasn't interested in porn, I just wanted to look at a man and know that I was actually having these feelings, and it wasn't a fluke that I had not been interested in any women who made advances on me. I knew I looked at men, but I wasn't sure if it was in the same way I was supposed to be looking at women. Or maybe the lack of a father figure in my life made me crave a masculine presence. 

Reading this shit on the internet was no way to go about it, I decided a long time ago. There were all sorts of debates for each side, and they all confused me. I felt like I could only truly tell if I saw a man, and felt some sort of spark that never appeared with women. Maybe I was over-romanticizing what I should be feeling. Maybe I was truly confused about it all, and I needed to just find the right woman. I was simply in the dark about it all.

Tyler rolled the taxi to a stop outside my house. He leaned over to peer at it in the darkness. "You've got it made! Can't believe you can afford this place. You can hop your back gate and be right on the beach!"

"I'm a surgeon. Might as well have some compensation for having to look at peoples insides all day." I reached into my back pocket for my wallet. "How much do I owe you?"

He waved his hand dismissively. "You've had a wild night. Go in and figure it out, yeah? Maybe try Grindr. Kiss a dude and see how it goes."

I smiled a bit. "I'll see if I get the courage." I said, stepping out of the backseat. 

"You got this, Pooh Bear." He encouraged as I shut the door. I paused, processing what the fuck he just called me before knocking on his window. He rolled it down. "Yeah?"

"Pooh Bear?" I asked.

He grinned. Maybe it was just the theme of the night, but his smile made my heart do a small flip. "Earlier, you said 'Bother'. Like Winnie the Pooh. I don't know, that's just what it reminded me of. Get inside, it's late."

I paused for a few more seconds at his window, then chuckled. "Alright. Goodnight, Tyler. Thanks again."

He gave me a little salute. With his arm lifted, I saw faint marks across his skin. My heart sunk a bit. Maybe I would never see this man again, but his kindness made me worry for him. Track marks, of course. Not an uncommon problem in LA. But I wished I could give him some sort of pep talk to make him change his mind.

Even though we knew each other's names, we were strangers. Despite the kindness and the smiles, we would likely depart tonight and never see each other again in our lifetimes. I stepped away from his window and walked to my front door. I could hear his car idling until I had the front door unlocked and opened. Then, his tires took him elsewhere. Back to the city, where he and I were merely specs in the expanse.

A couple brief interactions of kindness, that's all tonight was. But I still felt more alive than I had my entire fucking life. 


End file.
